Wordless perfect

As always, baby bro and I have conversations on life when we meet, and I am always stimulated and sometimes challenged by his perspectives on life.

I find words a poor tool to convey what is in my heart for what is most profound is always hardest to articulate, especially when it is to a loved one where communication is invariably coloured by the past.

How do I explain to him my "religious fanatic" bent: my whole-hearted adherence and participation in traditions and rites of the Catholic Church that seem so rigid and ridiculous in the modern world? How do I express the deep peace and ineffable joy I experience from being loved by a man whom I cannot touch and see?

Where do I begin to bridge the inevitable differences in perspectives? What must I do to communicate to him I do not judge him, but instead, love him, and as a natural outpouring of that love, want only the best for him, which also requires me to speak the unpalatable truth at times?

I do not set out to convert him or anyone else in this world because I want to save their souls - that would be insufferable arrogance - but because my faith in Christ has led to me to discover such beauty, goodness and wisdom that gets me all excited, I want passionately to share the treasures I have found.

The gifts of faith, hope, love, peace and joy - all the things we each seek in life as necessary for our physical and spiritual well-being are there for the picking on the tree of Christianity that yields life-giving and delicious fruit.

I long to exclaim, "It doesn't have to be this way!" whenever I encounter timidity, fear, bitterness, despair and hatred of those who think God is a tyrant or a waste of time or that Church is irrelevant.

And to repair the damage done by Christians who behave without love, compassion, generosity and integrity, thereby tarnishing the awesomeness of Christianity.

God is so much more than what our human minds can perceive and grasp but the good news is Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit can help us understand and experience that which brings us life.

As with any relationship, it requires us  to do our part. When we value a relationship we nurture it by giving it proper time and attention. We find every mundane detail of a lover fascinating and seek to know more.

If we do the same with Jesus we would be blown away. I am, every day, when I give Him time to tell me how much He loves me. And it is His unconditional love and faith in me that inspires me to reach for the stars, to demand happiness and satisfaction in life, to not settle for second best at all; to live life to the full, to be gloriously free.

The personal revelations I receive convince me that the Tradition and Teaching of the Church hold great wisdom that when applied to my life, point me towards the path of self-fulfilment and fruition.

Even the hard-hitting "rules" when studied and analyzed, uncover that love was their foundation and they actually help guide us to be more human.
 
So what happens when words fail and we sit at perceived opposite ends of the table and I am tempted to walk away? Here is where I am challenged to put out my hand in love and grasp his. To put aside my pride and to just let God sit with us and do His thing.

It is enough that we, bro and I, know we love each other. In such instances, words are not needed.

Food tradition

It's been an incredibly busy time. Cooking and cleaning require more time and effort than I can remember. I am absolutely knackered but at the same time, I am glad I did it.

Although I chose to go fusion for lunch today, I madly created a menu that required a lot of prep work. I am thankful things turned out fairly well (so glad my sister-in-law offered her services today despite being under the weather).

Cooking is, for me, one of the most visible acts of love I can bestow on those I love for cooking was a major expression of love for my father who had a extremely refined palate and it is now a family tradition I like to honour, especially during festive seasons.

There is also a sense of continuity in cooking special dishes my grandmother prepared for the family that I first tasted as a child. This was especially so when I could offer my Fifth Aunt from England a soup she had not tasted in years, one that represents our Cantonese heritage.

As you may have caught on by now, food is so much more than mere sustenance to me for the art of eating well is not just about dining on exquisitely prepared cuisine, but it's equally the sense of occasion in every meal, enhanced by the sense of intimacy and union that comes from eating together food that was lovingly prepared from scratch, something that is often overlooked and not cultivated.

Just as we come to the Supper of the Lamb with reverence, we would do well to find the sense of sacred in every meal by inviting Jesus to sit and dine with us as He did in the past with prostitutes and tax collectors (we are not any better).

As such, I give thanks for having had the opportunity to sit down with family this Lunar New Year and celebrate our lives together.

New year abundance

I am finally getting into Lunar New Year mode and I am actually enjoying it. Even the spring-cleaning is satisfying although not exactly fun. Friends and baby bro have been converging slowly and it's great to play catch-up.

A huge component of the LNY is cooking and the family gathering around the dining table to finally tuck into the delicious spread after being tantalized by the appetising aromas wafting from the kitchen since early afternoon.

The scents and the tastes of the LNY bring me back to childhood days and powerful memories of my grandmother, and later my father, who prepared the food for the reunion feast so lovingly and painstakingly.

I find the Lunar New Year a great metaphor for life: sweeping out the old and ushering in the new with great pomp and ceremony. It marks the seasons of life clearly and allows one the chance for renewal and to make right what wasn't in the previous year.

It's also about bringing people together, to honour family traditions and the values of filial piety and family unity; a multi-generational celebration of life.

Although the symbolism of the LNY centres around financial prosperity and abundance, it's a good reminder that we should live life with abundance spiritually and emotionally as well.

Today's readings help me walk along the path of abundance.

The first reading is from Jonah and reminds us of the value of repentance as experienced by the inhabitants of Nineveh.

The second is from St. Paul reminding us that time is running out and we need to be mindful of how we live out the time we have been allotted.

And the Gospel is from Mark: an invitation from Jesus to the disciples to be fishers of men.

Repentance is important, for like it or not, we will sin, as long as we are alive. And yet, it is not something we dwell upon much if we can help it.

I used to think it's okay to remain mired in sin for as long as it affords me some happiness, I am willing to bear the consequences when I eventually stood at the pearly gates. I was beyond redemption anyway, so why bother? And of course the longer I stayed away, the harder it was for me to turn around and return to God.

Then I progressed to cutting myself a break when I sinned. "I am not perfect and besides, I will be forgiven for God is all merciful." This attitude encouraged me to  be complacent and not work harder at eradicating a particular weakness or acquiring a certain virtue.

Repentance is not easy for pride makes it hard for us to admit that something is indeed wrong with our behaviour and that change is needed. And even when we know we need to alter our behaviour, we hide behind a host of rationalizations and just park, refusing to get onto the freeway that leads to freedom.

We choose to ignore that time is running out for every day we delay a positive response, it is one more day we deny ourselves the opportunity to live abundantly.

Metanoia, an internal change, repentance is needed. To see with the eyes of the heart. This can only happen when I come clean with Jesus, humble myself and ask for forgiveness. The funny thing is when I am able to do this, I am no longer bound by sin or wallowing in despair and hopelessness; I am given new heart.

New year. New life. It can happen for didn't Jesus say He came so that we may have life and to have it to the full?

I look forward to the promised abundance.      

Fully human

I have one resolution this year and it is that I become, and be, genuinely human every day.

What this means is to be human as Jesus Christ was, fully human, in that He knew exactly what every person He met needed in terms of loving encouragement and He changed the world of those who knew Him radically by challenging them with the truth.

He brought healing, affirmation, freedom, hope and joy wherever He went. Those who connected with Him could see their own potentialities and could also take the first courageous step forward.

While I do not have His grasp of what it is to be authentically human, I seek an ever-evolving understanding and appreciation of what it means to be human.

Meditating on the life of writer and human rights activist Julia Esquivel at the Franciscan Missionaries of Mary's celebration of World Day of Peace on December 31st, I was inspired by her life and her writing. How can I be the change I want to see and make a positive difference like she did?

Often I think I am not able or capable of moving mountains and I don't try. I forget I am not called to accomplish great things, I am called to just be, to live with openness of heart and respond in faith, especially in the small things on a daily basis. And in saying yes to the small things, great things can and will happen. The perennial problem is knowing what to say yes to and what to refuse.

As Gaudium et Spes identified, there is a basic imbalance rooted in the heart of man, for in each of us, "many elements wrestle with one another". We experience limitations in many ways and yet, we are also boundless in our desires and summoned to a higher life.

What happens is that we often do what we would not, and fail to do what we would (even Saint Paul talks about this internal struggle). An example closer to home is that I started this entry on new year's day and I have been wanting to complete it since January 4th, but I have let myself be distracted by countless other things, while some were good, others were not exactly commendable.

These internal divisions each one of us has, arising from being "weak and sinful" contributes to many discords in society.

There is no simple antidote to the ills of the world, the violence and unrest, the social and financial inequities and the degenerative fragmentation of society that is fuelled largely by consumerism and secularization. However, Christ did come to save the world and if we believe in Him, then we have our part to play in bringing peace and justice through a Christian humanism that involves open and loving dialogue.

As Doctor Dominic Doyle commented during his talk on Christian Identity in Modern Culture, the point of dialogue is not conversion but understanding, an understanding that will lead to the discovery of a unitive common ground. But in order to have a fruitful dialogue, we must be grounded enough in the rich moral vocabulary of Catholicism so that we can make it relevant and alluring to the uninitiated.

Even as I work towards attaining the right words to engage in dialogue, I must work doubly hard to gain the sensitivity and wisdom needed to make every dialogue an enlightening and affirming one. I am still clumsy in my efforts although I may mean well, which can be disastrous.

I know I am ambitious in my bid to hone my humanity for it involves consistency especially in prayer, contemplation, and the cultivation of a humble, contrite heart coupled with an open spirit that does not judge, but I am determined to reach beyond myself.

And become more and more human.