A perfect boost

I just came back from the Philippines after spending five incredible days there. Thanks to Noah's Ark, the distributor for Christopher West's TOB books and DVDs in Asia, I was able to attend Chris West's Freedom to Love Conference on June 25th.

In person, CW was larger than life - a charismatic and passionate champion of JPII's divine-inspired wisdom. It was totally awesome! I was blown away.

On top of this opportunity to see CW live, I got to spend a day with my cousin E and the ICPE community in Tagaytay. Despite the tropical storm Falcon, my time there was like a slice of E's tiramisu birthday cake (J you are a patissier extraordinaire):

An evocative complexity of bittersweet, creamy richness with the aromatic, stimulating zing of black coffee and the unctuous chilled buzz of alcohol. What an absolute treat!

I don't get to see E much and I always treasure the moments I get with her. Love you mega much, coz and thanks for showing me such a good time.

As if all this wasn't enough, I got to eat all the yummy Filipino cuisine I love: dinuguan, sisig, pancit palabok, crispy pata, lechon, sinigang, balut, halo2, ensaymadas... and hang with my girls C and D to do what every true blue Singaporean loves to do, SHOP.

This trip has got to be the best pre-birthday present ever for it was spiritually edifying, emotionally uplifting and intellectually stimulating, not forgetting physically satisfying (although my arteries would not concur).

I am grateful on so many levels and raring to go on the next leg of my journey for I feel the winds of change coming, which is scary exhilarating.

One of my key takeaways from the conference is the timely reminder of the difference between perfectionism and perfection for my perfectionistic tendencies can be a real drawback.

Perfectionism, according to CW, is the erroneous belief that God will not love me until I am perfect and I need to earn God's love. Consequently, no one will love me if I am not perfect.

Seeing as I am never going to be perfect in this lifetime, I might as well give up and slink off in despair. This line of thinking is really killing and it causes me to idle in inaction indefinitely.

The other danger to perfectionism is when I seek to be good, I sometimes get hung up on the rules and forget that it's the spirit of the law that matters and that a gift of love should always be given with a willing, loving heart. I become a grim and self-righteous Christian - most unattractive.

"To be perfect as our Father is perfect" means that I should not put my standards of love onto God but rather I should adopt His perfect ways.

Jesus loves me right here and now. I don't have to do anything to earn His love. Instead I just have to be is open to His love in my sinful state and in so doing, I will feel compelled to love Him; then, and only then, can I become a perfect gift of love.

For Jesus chose to enter into my sin to encounter me and He is with me every step of the way. He will never abandon me, my perfect bridegroom. I should be dancing in the streets from the joy and privilege of being His beloved bride.

And if I am able to celebrate His love for me, then I will be free to love. Perfectly.

Even if I am called to choices in the future that I deem difficult, I know that I am not alone and He will be my source of joy and comfort on the journey.

Nothing could be more perfect than that.

Interior superior

I was asked by N if I thought it was fine for her to befriend a married man whom she had gotten to know recently. I said no because from what she told me, he was attracted to her. Verboten.

N countered that all she wanted was someone to talk to for she had no friends and it wasn't romance she was after and maybe he was just a really nice guy who was not interested in her so wouldn't it be okay to be friends?

My only response to that was I wouldn't do it if I were you but it is your life and you must choose what you feel is best for you for what else can I say in the face of such determined rationalization?

N is lonely, I get it for I get lonely too, but I also know that the pain of walking away from something so appealing is definitely less catastrophic in the long run and will bring me inner peace, self-empowerment and even happiness.

Nothing is headier and  more ego-boosting then meeting a decent-looking, seemingly nice bloke who is into you and goes out of his way to be sweet to you.

Nothing is more desirable when one is single and could do with some attentive TLC but some relationships are just not meant to be and if we listened to our inner voice of reason we know that to be true.

Loneliness does not excuse foolishness or foolhardiness.

What's even worse if we first step down the slippery slope of compromise, we will skitter off the road of truth until we tumble into confusion and lose our way completely.

So what's a girl to do if her heart yearns for love? Stay close to the source. Go mystic. Get an interior life.

It is that simple. Truths often are simple, it's just that as human beings, we tend to complicate our lives when we are lured by the bright lights of temptation.

If you google interior life, Wikipedia will tell you it's a life that seeks God in everything; you have a prayer life that is transformational because it is personal.

Getting to know Jesus up close and personal has truly been the most life-changing relationship in my life for it has allowed me to seek the way that has led to truth and life.

Of course once I discovered the truth, I had to live it out in order to internalize it. Jesus was my guide but He also gave me freedom of choice every step of the journey for He knew that the call to follow Him is not an easy one.

It has involved unpleasant decisions at times, sacrifice and even loss. Purging my life of lies and deception meant following the rules, many I resented and did not understand but hoped that would somehow lead me further to the truth.

When things got tough, I would pray WWJD (What Would Jesus Do) and the Spirit would lead me to God-inspired action.

As I entered the state of purification which unfortunately is not a one-off deal but one which requires constant effort, I developed the spiritual muscle of virtue. I gained wisdom, hope, love, courage, humility and a faith that sought understanding and achieved it.

From the purgative to the illuminative, it was like coming out of a squall to calm seas. As I lived truth more and more in my life, I could feel the goodness of Trinitarian love resonating in my veins and it felt wonderful for I began to struggle less and less as I began to become unconsciously competent at being a sexually honest woman.

Blessed John Paul II wrote Values are lights that illuminate our existence and, as we work on our lives, they shine ever more brightly on the horizon.* The values-turned-virtues I had gained helped light my way and continue to do so.

I was, and am, finally privy to the secrets of freedom and happiness for from the purgative and illuminative ways, I entered the unitive way, "when the soul experiences a special union with God"*.

The more I find God in everything and learn "to commune with him in and through all things"*, the more I experience the "depth and breadth and height"** of the love He has for me and the more He is revealed to me as "Father, Redeemer, and Spouse"*.

When I am lonely, hurt, upset or fearful, I know all I need do is to go inside and turn to Him. He will blow gently a loving and healing breath on my badly scraped knee and make it all better. Every time.

He is my man for all seasons for no other man compares to Him.

* From John Paul II's book Memory and Identity, quoted in the Prologue of Christopher West's Heaven's Song

** Elizabeth Barrett Browning's Sonnet 43 How do I Love Thee

Celibacy conundrum

At last Friday's meeting, we talked about celibacy. The word celibacy tends to connote a sense of unwelcome austerity and impossibility.

Unwelcome austerity for the state of celibacy is defined as abstinence from sexual activity and is usually considered a joyless act of will to consciously refrain from doing something pleasurable.

Impossible because it is seen as something so unnatural that going against our human nature will cause us to explode. Well, maybe not explode, but certainly celibacy is not something viewed as easily attainable or remotely desirable.

Plus celibacy is often relegated to religious and priests, people of a higher moral order, not ordinary folk. It's just not doable or practical for us common people.

Guess what, JPII regards celibacy as the vocation of every man or woman who is single.

Even married folk don't get a free pass for if they wish to honour the language of their bodies, they would practise Natural Family Planning which asks for sexual abstinence during the fertile periods of a woman's cycle if the couple were not ready for children.

My immediate reaction to the Pope's statement is a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. Quite the same reaction of some of the women in the group until we looked at it differently, as sexual purity and honesty.

If we agree that the language of the body is spousal, that is, the act of love is a profound act of total self-giving as an expression of committed and faithful love, then we would be true to our bodies if we refrain from having sex unless we were married.

If we also agree that lust is impersonal sexual desire, that is, a desire to use another person as an object (not recognizing the innate dignity of that person) or a means to an end (say sexual gratification), then we recognize that sexual lust is always unethical.

Even as a group of women of different ages, from diverse backgrounds and states of life, we all concurred we desired purity of heart. Unified as we are by our love for Jesus, we recognize that to be in living, ever-deepening and intimate relationship with Jesus is paramount to each of us.

The spousal meaning of the body is the call to love in a life-giving manner and this does not contradict celibacy but gives it a richer meaning.

All of us in W2W are beginning to experience a glimmer of understanding of this as we progress on our TOB journey.

Because we are first called to be in communion with God, we can express this desire in manifold ways: spending time alone with Him in prayer as Jesus did, receiving the transubstantiated host on our tongues and in our hearts, loving others by being a gift and leading others to Truth by living truth in every action.

Whether married or single, a personal relationship with God leads us to living out our sexuality fully with honesty, fidelity and purity. This does require chastity, even from those of us who are married for marriage is not an excuse to indulge in lust.

But it is not all grimaced stoicism or as impossible as pigs flying. It is only impossible because we fear sexual purity may sometimes keep us away from love or opportunities to receive love and to experience pleasure.

When we don't trust God enough to wait for love (like Adam and Eve) and we grasp for love out of loneliness or fear, that is when we lose the plot and make decisions that steer us away from being our true selves and from God. We allow our sexual desires to degrade into lust.

Celibacy does not mean we are not having fun. Far from it. Some of the most joyful and fun-loving people I know are those who truly claim celibacy as their vocation. They are fulfilled as people because they live rich interior lives and in turn are able to love others with delightful purity.

They have already experienced in part the joy reserved for heaven when we are in complete union with the Trinity and have opted to live out the vocation of celibacy for the Kingdom here today.

For the spousal meaning of the body is an invitation to be like the bride and bridegroom in the Song of Songs, who are in a state of holy inebriation where the "words, movements and gestures of the spouses, their whole behaviour, correspond to the inner movement of their hearts" which is a "pure flame of love".*

If we take up the invitation to offer our sexual desires (which are fully kosher and ethical) to God to direct, we can get drunk from drinking God's wine, the inner "truth and strength of love", so that "sexual desire passes over from lust to an immeasurable love" and this is how we can experience a "real and deep victory" over the distortion of lust.*

The opportunity to savour God's "new wine" (just like the Cana wedding miracle) is ours because "Christ came to restore creation to the purity of its origins (CCC, 1733). Fear is dispelled in the light of this pure love.

JP II says, "The Eucharist is a school of freedom and charity in order to fulfil the commandment to love" for the Eucharist "frees us from attachment in order to open ourselves to others".**

This is the gift of love from Christ, who loved us with a love that is:

FREE             He chose to give us His body and blood by dying for us.
TOTAL          He gives us His body, blood, soul and divinity every Sunday in the sacrament of
                       the Eucharist.
FAITHFUL    He is with us day and night, 24X7.
FRUITFUL    We all have eternal life.**

We can now experience the redemption of this immeasurable love in the gift of Christ's body and love immeasurably ourselves.

When ethics transforms into ethos, the difficult becomes easy. Bleak reality becomes joyously divine.

Celibacy is something prized and not looked upon with distaste and suspicion.

And so a slice of the Kingdom of Heaven has made its way onto earth.

Something we at W2W are discovering every day when we offer up our love and fidelity to Christ.


* From Christopher West's Heaven's Song, a great book on how JPII uses Song of Songs to expound on marital love.

** From chapter seven of the DVD, Theology of the Body For Teens