Making Lent real

We are mid-way through Lent and I am still trying my best to honour the season while going beyond convention.

Interestingly enough, my biggest weakness decided to makes its presence felt just before Lent began and has been plaguing me these past weeks.

Although my first reaction is guilt, I know enough to dismiss it quickly by acknowledging being tempted and then repenting by offering it up to Jesus and asking to be filled with sanctifying grace.

I think of Paul and his thorn in the flesh, how it was not taken away from him to perhaps keep him humble.  I keep questioning God though, and in seeking for answers, it sometimes leads me to a better understanding of myself and my quest for self-mastery.

I also remember to be grateful for grace that gives me strength to persevere when the going gets tough, something every Christian finds a challenge - to be faithful in all things, in all areas of life, and all the time.

Does it ever get tiring? Of course. That's why we need liturgical reminders like the Lenten season, not forgetting the sacraments (especially the Eucharist), the Word of God, the Holy Spirit and the holy men/women He puts in our lives.

Going for the TOB training at St. Teresa's has been a great way for me to connect back to JPII's gift to the world. Theology of the Body is JPII's answer to how every person can live a joyful and satisfying life - it greatly encourages me with its uniquely rich message.

Just as Lent began, I saw my SD and he offered me an alternative perspective of looking at the three pillars of Lent: 

Alms-giving It's not just about helping the less fortunate with a monetary donation (which is good and right), but it's about giving time to those in need. To be there to listen, and appreciate the person for who he/she is, affirming the gift of his/her existence.   

Prayer is to be available. Lent is the time to be less in the world of more. To take time to reflect on how much Jesus loves us, and not just how much He suffered for us when we meditate on the way of the Cross, and to subsequently reflect this sacrificial love back to others. 

Fasting God is not a dietitian and while the practice of asceticism has its virtue (for if we can master our lust for food then we will probably be strong enough to withstand temptations of another kind), SD instead proposed to fast from activities that keep us busy and take us away from the presence of others. In this, he advised flexibility for success.

Assessing my efforts at the half-way mark, I feel I can do better. At the same time, I recognize that I am not doing too badly for I have been making a conscious effort to be present to God and others, and to give generously where needed.

As for my various lusts, I know I am protected if I seek to assuage my hunger and thirst by dining on living bread and water. I will not go "dumpster diving" out of desperation.

Thank God for Lenten disciplines and the opportunity to make it real.

Life-giving choices

Recently it was Tiger Woods and now more recent and closer to home, Jack Neo. Men who previously had a squeaky clean, family man image, but have now revealed a side to their characters that is less than savoury.

Are they sorry? Of course, as they both stated publicly, but I wonder how much of the remorse comes from hurting a loved one, versus having been found out?

If they truly loved their wives and were committed to showing love in ways that conveyed spousal respect, then surely they would not have strayed in the first place?

Surely they would have better impulse control than a three-year-old and would be mature enough to know that there are consequences to actions?

Even Newton states in his third law of motion: Every action has an equal and opposite reaction.

What makes such people, especially of wealth, status and influence, think that they are impervious to laws (natural and man-made) that apply to every other human being?

Nothing, as Woods and now Neo, have found out, as have countless famous personalities and politicians who have trod the same road of sexual infidelity ahead of them.

However, we seem to live in a world where most of us rationalize our less than life-giving actions, thinking that as long as we don't get caught, or no one gets hurt, it's fine. Everything is cool.

Marry this attitude with an almost feral pursuit of pleasure and habitually giving in to the allure of instant gratification, and we are living with the consequences of an exponentially increasing number of broken marriages and homes, a rising number of addictions, and an ever-ballooning number of overweight people (read yesterday's The Straits Times report on obesity).

Let's get real. We all live in relationship with others and every decision we make impacts others, especially loved ones, whether directly or indirectly, immediately or eventually.

When we choose to be unfaithful, gorge our way to obesity and its attendant health problems, or engage in behaviour that is compulsive and extreme (be it shopping, drinking, gambling, gaming or working), we will, at some point, reap the negative effects of such behaviour, as will our family and friends, and ultimately society at large

Someone will get hurt. Someone will have to pay for it. Even if not patently obvious, if we sow in darkness, we will not reap fruit of goodness, righteousness and truth (Ephesians 5) in the long run.

Although we have the promise of eternal life, we are each given one life here on earth to live: to be loved and to love, to receive and to give, to be cared for and to care for, to weep and to laugh, and to make something of our lives. We get but one shot in life to make it work.

So we must decide on a value system and integrate this system in everything we do (even the bits we don't like), weaving in our own physical, emotional, spiritual and mental health in our efforts to make effective and enduring our choices and actions.

Don't waste time by being paralyzed by fear, sloth or apathy, or giving in to bitterness, unforgiveness, self-pity and fatalism. Instead, act out of love every single chance you get, and every single day.

Before you embark on an illicit liaison with someone you find attractive; before you indulge in a second helping of delicious artery-clogging fried food that compromises your health; before you allow work to keep you late in the office and stress you out so that you're a grouch at home; stop, think of where your priorities lie and do the loving thing. Not just for your loved ones, but for your own good as well.

As for me, I am finally taking responsibility for my health and going for my check-ups. I am also refraining from eating too much of foods that are not good for me, taking my supplements and exercising to get rid of extraneous weight.

Vanity thus far has not been a successful motivator, so perhaps love of family will be a better one.

Bound by freedom

It was a treat to have dinner with my good friend L. whom I have not seen in about half a year. I love eating with her for she is as into food as I am and has an amazingly discerning palate.

L. has the ability to raise life into an art form by living in the moment and injecting into each instant a fullness that is wonderfully round and transcendent.

Every meal is a celebration whether we were sitting in a hawker centre eating comforting carb and lard loaded Hokkien mee or in some chichi dessert joint alternating between mouthfuls of impossibly smooth araguani chocolate and a citrusy fragrant yuzu sorbet. 

Needless to say we both enjoyed ourselves, feasting on food and thought-provoking conversation. Thanks L., dinner last night was rich in more ways than one.

On hearing about the recent season of death and loss in my life, L. recommended I take a couple of days off to chill on my own and decompress.

While I would like to do this, it is, right now, an indulgence I am not willing to expend much effort and expense on for there are so many things I have going on currently.

Plus, I should be saving up for my big trip scheduled for the end of the year.

She asked me a question on whether I was able to give without going to the extreme, within reason and healthy boundaries, and I said yes, although I do admit it is a struggle at times.

Like how I struggled between being responsible and committed to my Friday meeting tonight or doing something frivolous like going to the ballet (the tickets were for tonight only, with the compliments of J.).

The ballet won out for life's been too intense and sad lately and I needed to do something that moves my soul with its beauty. Giselle was an apt anodyne!

This little time-out is my way of rising above the gravity of recent events and I will continue to look for these creative getaways that can be as therapeutic as a beach holiday.  Well, almost.

I also intend to rely less on mindless activities like channel surfing late into the night to avoid reflective and introspective time alone to process my thoughts and overladen emotions.

Kahlil Gibran's definition of freedom resonates with me and I will endeavour to find the boundaries of freedom in my life:

You shall be free indeed when your days are not
without care nor your nights without a want or a grief,
But rather when these things girdle your life and
yet you rise above them naked and unbound.

Good thing the group is doing Cloud and Townsend's Boundaries over the next two months.

Forty houses

I did not mark the day we met, it was

An ordinary day, like any other day.

I did not think that there would be a way

We would ever become friends - for it was

In disparate worlds that we lived, although

I liked you and what you stood for in life,

Even from the start. It's just now I know

By grace alone you came into my life,

Taught me new ways to love and harness life,

Inspired me to follow you to Cambodia,

To build forty houses was your big idea.

So glad we did it  for it changed my life!

Now that you're gone, the world has lost a light

But your ethos will grow in time with might.

                                  Requiescat in pace 

                                    March 5, 2010

Love comes lately

Love comes lately in ways I do not seek,

Heartwarming and rich, 'though in manner meek.

I am surprised by its intensity,

That I could feel so much, and so easily.

Your face glows kind in the winter sunshine,

As you stretch out your hand, giving me much

Joy, making me feel at home as we dine,

Every meal a celebration as such.

Even in spring when you were not yourself,

You thought of me, despite your failing health.

As we drank in the tulips, I felt myself 

Awash in memories, each one untold wealth.

Thinking of you, tears fall like summer rain.

You will always be my sweet Aunt Lorraine.

Eternal rest grant unto her, O Lord

and let perpetual light shine upon her.

Requiescat in pace 

February 23rd, 2010