“Don’t swallow the seeds, they are bad for you,” admonished the grown-ups when I was a fruit-munching five year old. “Why?” “Because they’ll start to grow inside you,” they replied.
Wow, you mean an orange or apple tree would grow out of the top of my head and I could pick the fruit off the tree whenever I wanted, wherever I was, and eat them? I was thrilled.
So I kept swallowing the seeds that were small enough, waiting for them to sprout... those I didn’t swallow I would plant in the earth, willing them to new life.
Today when Monsignor Vaz gave a discourse on John 15’s powerful vine imagery at St. Teresa’s Parish Retreat, I was reminded of my childhood fascination with growing things.
We are all called to be fruit-bearing – that would be the sign and binding force that we made our home in the Lord, our true vine.
So that through our obedience, as we remained in His word, we would be pruned, made pure, to bear even more fruit.
The bounty would also prove that we are His disciples. Not the fact that we are baptised, or through our varied declarations of faith.
As a consequence, we would be able to experience complete joy as we ourselves bring joy to Him and to those around us
Mgr. Vaz challenged us. Are we people of joy or are we ruled by other things in our lives?
The idea of obedience is not an appealing one, especially when it seems to get in the way of pleasure and our idea freedom. And so we assert our individual will.
As I have found out after years of stubborn experimentation, being disobedient did bring pleasure, but it also brought with it a sickness of the heart and soul.
I felt blighted. I sought and did not find joy. Instead, I kept chasing after highs that dissipated quickly like wood-smoke, leaving my lungs burning from the lack of oxygen. I was constantly on the run, escaping from my personal demons.
What can be the meaning of my life when I was so full of angst, a prisoner of fears and a slave to my addictions?
It was only when I learned to remain in His love that I was able to consign all the diseased and withered parts of me to the fire.
Obedience set me free of fears, distortions and addictions. I was pruned, cleansed and made new - aglow with an inner tranquility.
Sure, it’s sometimes hard to do the right thing, especially when the wrong thing is so appealing. But the joy of abiding in Him is immeasurable and indescribable.
It is something so deep and mystical that you need to experience it for yourself before you can comprehend what I am saying (if you don't).
What's more, once you’ve experienced it, you won’t ever want to go back to scrounging around for scraps of transient happiness.
The mini me is delighted to discover that the seeds she planted so long ago within and without herself have actually bore fruit.
And I am inspired to continue on the journey to “go and bear fruit, fruit that will last”.
Sunday, July 29, 2007
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
His healing love
Celebrating birthdays can be hazardous as I found out over the weekend when we got together to celebrate B.’s birthday. She maintained she disliked fuss and woe and betide those who tried to celebrate it for her and with her.
We still did it anyway, albeit in a very private manner, just five chicks with champagne and cake in C.’s condo. It helped that the cake appealed to the child in her. Her “play-cake” as she called it. Seriously, it was a work of art, thanks to Susan from Smiling Orchid.
What is it about birthdays that B. was so violently opposed to? Definitely not the age thing for she still looks youthful. It was the fuss - which encompasses PDAs (that’s public displays of affection) in the non-couply way.
Admittedly, like B., I feel more embarrassed than appreciative when I am at the receiving end as well.
What is it that makes receiving love so difficult? Why is giving so much easier than receiving?
B. and I suffer from the same problem and I think it stems from when we were young. Somehow, we were not affirmed in our love languages* and grew up feeling unloved and even unlovable.
Sure I knew my parents loved me, intellectually, but, somehow, a part of me clamoured for love which I was not getting from them, and that made me feel inadequate as a person, and subsequently, unworthy of love.
It took me a long time before I felt comfortable in my own skin and it was only recently that I could accept that no matter how ugly I felt inside out, there will always be Someone who loves me deeply.
More importantly, that I deserved to be loved in such a life-giving manner.
He has loved me from the point of my conception and has never stopped loving me through all my topsy turvy years.
No other man has made me feel so precious, or so completely cherished. With such a love, I am healed, I am strong - I can be the person I was meant to be.
My birthday wish for B. is that she will continue to experience His healing love and one day enjoy her birthday the way a child enjoys the whole schmaltzy affair – with great relish, revelling in every moment of love and attention. Happy birthday B. XXX
* From Gary Chapman’s The Five Love Languages which enumerates the ways we give and receive love: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service and touch. A must-read, especially for couples and parents.
We still did it anyway, albeit in a very private manner, just five chicks with champagne and cake in C.’s condo. It helped that the cake appealed to the child in her. Her “play-cake” as she called it. Seriously, it was a work of art, thanks to Susan from Smiling Orchid.
What is it about birthdays that B. was so violently opposed to? Definitely not the age thing for she still looks youthful. It was the fuss - which encompasses PDAs (that’s public displays of affection) in the non-couply way.
Admittedly, like B., I feel more embarrassed than appreciative when I am at the receiving end as well.
What is it that makes receiving love so difficult? Why is giving so much easier than receiving?
B. and I suffer from the same problem and I think it stems from when we were young. Somehow, we were not affirmed in our love languages* and grew up feeling unloved and even unlovable.
Sure I knew my parents loved me, intellectually, but, somehow, a part of me clamoured for love which I was not getting from them, and that made me feel inadequate as a person, and subsequently, unworthy of love.
It took me a long time before I felt comfortable in my own skin and it was only recently that I could accept that no matter how ugly I felt inside out, there will always be Someone who loves me deeply.
More importantly, that I deserved to be loved in such a life-giving manner.
He has loved me from the point of my conception and has never stopped loving me through all my topsy turvy years.
No other man has made me feel so precious, or so completely cherished. With such a love, I am healed, I am strong - I can be the person I was meant to be.
My birthday wish for B. is that she will continue to experience His healing love and one day enjoy her birthday the way a child enjoys the whole schmaltzy affair – with great relish, revelling in every moment of love and attention. Happy birthday B. XXX
* From Gary Chapman’s The Five Love Languages which enumerates the ways we give and receive love: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service and touch. A must-read, especially for couples and parents.
Monday, July 16, 2007
Sacred space
I just finished reading Totto-chan: The Little Girl at the Window by Tetsuko Kuroyanagi that S. lent me about two weeks ago. Published in 1981, this book was a runaway bestseller in Japan and has a timeless, universal appeal. I was absolutely charmed by it.
It’s a book I happen to think that all educators, and parents, should read for it honours an educator par excellence, Sosaku Kobayashi, who was founder and headmaster of Tomoe Gakuen, an alternative elementary school during pre-WWII days, and inspires with Kobayashi’s forward thinking and real love for children.
He sought to affirm every one of his students, devising ways to make them each feel special. “You’re really a good girl, you know,” was a phrase Kobayashi used every time he met the exuberant Totto-chan who was perpetual motion in trouble.
What really gave me cause to pause was this paragraph from the book:
“Having eyes, but not seeing beauty; having ears, but not hearing music; having minds, but not perceiving truths; having hearts that are never moved and therefore never set on fire. These are the things to fear, said the headmaster.”
His students looked forward to school each day for learning was fun. They learnt to see and appreciate the beauty and the miracles in the world around them, and consequently, were taught how to respect nature and fellow human beings.
The ability to find something wondrous and worthwhile even in the insignificant is a skill that every child should be taught, and eventually hone as a discipline. For unless we can appreciate what we have been given, we will not be able to feel gratitude.
And if we are not grateful then we will not be able to fully experience the blessings in our lives, even if we were handed the world on a platter. That would be too, too sad for there is so much in life to be thankful for.
Just the very act of breathing that keeps us alive was a gift from God to Adam as He first breathed life into him. A gift each of us is given when we emerge from our mother’s womb and take that first breath of air into our lungs.
I find that living with a certain mindfulness, a heightened awareness of the world perceived through all my senses, allows me to experience moments sublime in the mill of everyday living.
And when I allow these moments to connect deep inside of me, space is created for the divine to enter.
It is in these spaces that I can once again become a free-spirited child just like Totto-chan, gain respite from worldly concerns, draw strength from unfathomable depths and find inspiration to create.
Cherry blossoms fall,
Sighing softly in the breeze
It’s a book I happen to think that all educators, and parents, should read for it honours an educator par excellence, Sosaku Kobayashi, who was founder and headmaster of Tomoe Gakuen, an alternative elementary school during pre-WWII days, and inspires with Kobayashi’s forward thinking and real love for children.
He sought to affirm every one of his students, devising ways to make them each feel special. “You’re really a good girl, you know,” was a phrase Kobayashi used every time he met the exuberant Totto-chan who was perpetual motion in trouble.
What really gave me cause to pause was this paragraph from the book:
“Having eyes, but not seeing beauty; having ears, but not hearing music; having minds, but not perceiving truths; having hearts that are never moved and therefore never set on fire. These are the things to fear, said the headmaster.”
His students looked forward to school each day for learning was fun. They learnt to see and appreciate the beauty and the miracles in the world around them, and consequently, were taught how to respect nature and fellow human beings.
The ability to find something wondrous and worthwhile even in the insignificant is a skill that every child should be taught, and eventually hone as a discipline. For unless we can appreciate what we have been given, we will not be able to feel gratitude.
And if we are not grateful then we will not be able to fully experience the blessings in our lives, even if we were handed the world on a platter. That would be too, too sad for there is so much in life to be thankful for.
Just the very act of breathing that keeps us alive was a gift from God to Adam as He first breathed life into him. A gift each of us is given when we emerge from our mother’s womb and take that first breath of air into our lungs.
I find that living with a certain mindfulness, a heightened awareness of the world perceived through all my senses, allows me to experience moments sublime in the mill of everyday living.
And when I allow these moments to connect deep inside of me, space is created for the divine to enter.
It is in these spaces that I can once again become a free-spirited child just like Totto-chan, gain respite from worldly concerns, draw strength from unfathomable depths and find inspiration to create.
Cherry blossoms fall,
Sighing softly in the breeze
A sweet song of joy
Saturday, July 07, 2007
High fidelity
We were talking about doing the right thing by following God’s ways. I was trying to explain to C. how obedience to the “rules” enriched my life, protected me and allowed me to be free.
She went, “That’s conditioning.” I was stung initially for the implication behind that statement was that I was no longer a thinking, rational being.
A couple of days later, I caught Selma Hayek in a TV interview and she spoke against religion as she saw religion as an institution that hampers her relationship with God, given all its rules. She called it programming and said that religion caused one to sacrifice individuality and creativity.
This perception that religion equals rules, rules that are archaic, impractical and reduce one’s quality of life by curtailing freedom is only too prevalent.
I have to admit I used to subscribe to this view not too long ago, and even felt that Church teachings were out-moded and existed to create guilt.
We live in a world where progress, defined by technological and scientific advances, is seen as the height of desirability. Tradition, the old ways, are no longer revered but ridiculed.
Freedom, love and happiness are words that readily trip off the lips to justify adultery, theft, cheating, oppression, abuse, even murder.
If we really took the time to seek, understand and experience what God’s love is all about, we would see the wisdom behind the rules.
The Catholic Church’s teachings are not based on esoteric, obscure reasoning but founded on natural law. Very practical, infused with huge doses of common sense.
Unfortunately, through poorly taught catechism and inept promulgation of its beliefs, strange and distorted views of Catholicism abound.
Plus, it is always easier to believe what the media and the world around us tell us about how to pursue happiness and find it.
Yes, fidelity does imply obedience and sacrifice. At times, the subsuming of one’s desires. But when that fidelity is a reciprocity of love (and not just duty), it takes on a deeper and richer tone.
And with the unfolding of time, we will eventually get to hear the symphony God is composing through our lives if we allow Him to be the master composer.
When I get weary of swimming upstream against the flow of popular convention, I find strength reflecting on the life of Dorothy Day who lived the major part of the 1900s.
Her choices in life would seem mad to most people.
Giving up a lucrative career as a writer to become a social activist who brought hope and acceptance to the masses by providing food and shelter though her houses of hospitality.
Shunning the values of her generation upon conversion to Catholicism even though she had earlier typified the modern, independent woman of the 20s who indulged in the free-sex-and-drugs lifestyle.
Choosing God and letting go of the man she loved and called “husband” to walk singly through life, raising her daughter on her own.
She embraced the Church’s teachings wholeheartedly, managing to translate her radical social values within the institutional framework and give herself over to loving in such extraordinary ways.
Her unique brand of spirituality included her love of Scripture, solidarity with the poor, frequent works of mercy, prophetic witness through her writings, pacifism, gratitude to God and regular celebration of the sacraments.
Below is an excerpt of the sermon delivered by Fr. John Hugo at her memorial mass:
"Never enough! The other saying frequently quoted by Dorothy I had borrowed from St. Augustine: "He who says he has done enough has already perished." The fullness of love is not attainable all at once, but is rather a life-time goal requiring continual growth. The saint's words are a reminder that one may not falter in the ascent of the mount of love. And Dorothy was not satisfied with the lowest degree of love. She desired to follow her Master, who had said, "Love one another as I have loved you." That is, unto death."
Fidelity of the highest order: She died penniless in 1980, having lived the fullest expression of her love for Christ in her fully lived life (which included being thrown into jail at the ripe old age of 75 for being in a banned picket line for farm workers).
If being conditioned or programmed means living a life as colourful and rich in meaning as Dorothy’s, bring it on.
She went, “That’s conditioning.” I was stung initially for the implication behind that statement was that I was no longer a thinking, rational being.
A couple of days later, I caught Selma Hayek in a TV interview and she spoke against religion as she saw religion as an institution that hampers her relationship with God, given all its rules. She called it programming and said that religion caused one to sacrifice individuality and creativity.
This perception that religion equals rules, rules that are archaic, impractical and reduce one’s quality of life by curtailing freedom is only too prevalent.
I have to admit I used to subscribe to this view not too long ago, and even felt that Church teachings were out-moded and existed to create guilt.
We live in a world where progress, defined by technological and scientific advances, is seen as the height of desirability. Tradition, the old ways, are no longer revered but ridiculed.
Freedom, love and happiness are words that readily trip off the lips to justify adultery, theft, cheating, oppression, abuse, even murder.
If we really took the time to seek, understand and experience what God’s love is all about, we would see the wisdom behind the rules.
The Catholic Church’s teachings are not based on esoteric, obscure reasoning but founded on natural law. Very practical, infused with huge doses of common sense.
Unfortunately, through poorly taught catechism and inept promulgation of its beliefs, strange and distorted views of Catholicism abound.
Plus, it is always easier to believe what the media and the world around us tell us about how to pursue happiness and find it.
Yes, fidelity does imply obedience and sacrifice. At times, the subsuming of one’s desires. But when that fidelity is a reciprocity of love (and not just duty), it takes on a deeper and richer tone.
And with the unfolding of time, we will eventually get to hear the symphony God is composing through our lives if we allow Him to be the master composer.
When I get weary of swimming upstream against the flow of popular convention, I find strength reflecting on the life of Dorothy Day who lived the major part of the 1900s.
Her choices in life would seem mad to most people.
Giving up a lucrative career as a writer to become a social activist who brought hope and acceptance to the masses by providing food and shelter though her houses of hospitality.
Shunning the values of her generation upon conversion to Catholicism even though she had earlier typified the modern, independent woman of the 20s who indulged in the free-sex-and-drugs lifestyle.
Choosing God and letting go of the man she loved and called “husband” to walk singly through life, raising her daughter on her own.
She embraced the Church’s teachings wholeheartedly, managing to translate her radical social values within the institutional framework and give herself over to loving in such extraordinary ways.
Her unique brand of spirituality included her love of Scripture, solidarity with the poor, frequent works of mercy, prophetic witness through her writings, pacifism, gratitude to God and regular celebration of the sacraments.
Below is an excerpt of the sermon delivered by Fr. John Hugo at her memorial mass:
"Never enough! The other saying frequently quoted by Dorothy I had borrowed from St. Augustine: "He who says he has done enough has already perished." The fullness of love is not attainable all at once, but is rather a life-time goal requiring continual growth. The saint's words are a reminder that one may not falter in the ascent of the mount of love. And Dorothy was not satisfied with the lowest degree of love. She desired to follow her Master, who had said, "Love one another as I have loved you." That is, unto death."
Fidelity of the highest order: She died penniless in 1980, having lived the fullest expression of her love for Christ in her fully lived life (which included being thrown into jail at the ripe old age of 75 for being in a banned picket line for farm workers).
If being conditioned or programmed means living a life as colourful and rich in meaning as Dorothy’s, bring it on.
Sunday, July 01, 2007
Building spiritual muscle
Answering the call “Follow me!” is not something one does frivolously, without a thought.
Jesus himself warns it will not be easy: “No one who puts a hand to the plough and looks back is fit for the kingdom of God.” And yet, many were inspired to follow Him.
Some, like Peter and Paul, even gave their lives to share the salvific love of Jesus with others: Peter to Jews and Paul to Gentiles. Thus, the seeds of Christianity sprouted and grew.
It always makes me laugh to read about Peter – his impulsive, rough-and-ready ways, his earthy humanity. It gives me hope that a key founder of the Church betrayed Jesus three times after vowing to give his life for Him.
Or that someone like Paul, a textbook Pharisee who was killing Christians, could be transformed into a person who through his incredibly intimate relationship with the resurrected Christ would go on to convert thousands through his tireless zeal and deep love for God.
Last Thursday the W2W ministry gathered to say goodbye to one of its sisters who will be moving away with her husband and young family.
Stephanie has always inspired with her active faith and her willingness to say yes to Jesus. Knowing what would be demanded of her this July as she leaves the shores she grew up on, she set about strengthening the already sturdy foundations of her faith.
As a result, the regular spiritual workouts she has undergone in the last six months have given her a rock-hard, yet resilient inner strength. She’s ready to take on the world!
As we commented on the difference, she had this to say, “It wasn’t easy. It may seem that way, but it wasn’t.”
Coming to terms with our issues, our failings, our weaknesses, our woundedness, all the unloved, unlovely bits of us is a task few wish to undertake. It requires great courage and effort to face the bogey men tap-dancing in our closet.
Unless we can name the unfulfilled, broken parts of our self, work on them and allow healing to take place, they will always have power over us, and hinder our ability to experience life fully.
Yep, it’s hard work. Ah, but we do have a secret weapon. That little thing called grace.
Grace is what restored Paul’s sight physically and spiritually, enabling him to become one of Christ’s most ardent supporters.
Grace is what allowed Peter to transform from a scared mouse into a fearless, intrepid disciple who founded the Church in Rome.
Grace is the FDA-approved, designer steroid.
As past hurts and wounds heal, as a chiselled and taut spirituality replaces a flabby one, we find it easier to fight the good fight, finish the race while keeping the faith.
Start training today!
Jesus himself warns it will not be easy: “No one who puts a hand to the plough and looks back is fit for the kingdom of God.” And yet, many were inspired to follow Him.
Some, like Peter and Paul, even gave their lives to share the salvific love of Jesus with others: Peter to Jews and Paul to Gentiles. Thus, the seeds of Christianity sprouted and grew.
It always makes me laugh to read about Peter – his impulsive, rough-and-ready ways, his earthy humanity. It gives me hope that a key founder of the Church betrayed Jesus three times after vowing to give his life for Him.
Or that someone like Paul, a textbook Pharisee who was killing Christians, could be transformed into a person who through his incredibly intimate relationship with the resurrected Christ would go on to convert thousands through his tireless zeal and deep love for God.
Last Thursday the W2W ministry gathered to say goodbye to one of its sisters who will be moving away with her husband and young family.
Stephanie has always inspired with her active faith and her willingness to say yes to Jesus. Knowing what would be demanded of her this July as she leaves the shores she grew up on, she set about strengthening the already sturdy foundations of her faith.
As a result, the regular spiritual workouts she has undergone in the last six months have given her a rock-hard, yet resilient inner strength. She’s ready to take on the world!
As we commented on the difference, she had this to say, “It wasn’t easy. It may seem that way, but it wasn’t.”
Coming to terms with our issues, our failings, our weaknesses, our woundedness, all the unloved, unlovely bits of us is a task few wish to undertake. It requires great courage and effort to face the bogey men tap-dancing in our closet.
Unless we can name the unfulfilled, broken parts of our self, work on them and allow healing to take place, they will always have power over us, and hinder our ability to experience life fully.
Yep, it’s hard work. Ah, but we do have a secret weapon. That little thing called grace.
Grace is what restored Paul’s sight physically and spiritually, enabling him to become one of Christ’s most ardent supporters.
Grace is what allowed Peter to transform from a scared mouse into a fearless, intrepid disciple who founded the Church in Rome.
Grace is the FDA-approved, designer steroid.
As past hurts and wounds heal, as a chiselled and taut spirituality replaces a flabby one, we find it easier to fight the good fight, finish the race while keeping the faith.
Start training today!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)