Alleluia people

Since returning from Taiwan, I’ve been in a little bit of a slump, which I am only now slowly emerging from. I stopped my usual bedtime practice of meditating on the readings of the day and writing in my prayer journal. I withdrew into myself voluntarily, a self-imposed trek through the desert, plodding through hours of mindless TV.

It’s a combination of physical and emotional exhaustion, and trying to find my rhythm again, the energy required to start on the next project of the year (there are so many!!!). I was also feeling a little disheartened for when I see those whom I love dearly still unable to discover the true meaning of His love, I get sad and feel really useless for I am unable to help them.

Some are prisoners of their own fears. Others escape through their addiction of choice. Perpetually angry. Bitter. Lonely. Vulnerable. Frazzled by life and not doing well at all. Searching desperately for love in ways not good for their health. So much brokenness. So much pain. It’s depressing to see them like this. I sometimes feel like shaking them, “There is a better way – life can be good even when it sucks; especially when it sucks. You have the ability to change your life”.

Something A. said during a recent Bible meeting struck me as a powerful concept. She said we are Alleluia* people. She’s right. Especially in this Easter season, it is fitting to be a person who gives thanks with great joy and a sense of triumph that the powers of darkness have been overcome. Through the ultimate act of love that inspires with its depth of generosity. Because of that, we now have the promise of eternal life. It’s amazingly awesome even if we grasp only half of what this means. And yet this is a truth increasingly forgotten, discounted, misunderstood, overlooked or rejected.

I know I cannot save the world. Not immediately at least. Maybe in another seven years…

I do know I can be an Alleluia person and give thanks for the rainbows that occur in my life every day, whether it rains or not. And hopefully, radiate the joy and pleasure I experience and touch those around me with that saving grace.

* In Hebrew, Halleluyah means praise God.

Easter special

It was a struggle, this Lenten season, for I was not able to observe the conventions of fasting, penance and alms-giving in my usual manner. I wanted to offer up something more meaningful, and yet, did not seem to have the energy or time to do so. It was only after I had a chat with my SD that I felt I did give something of value this season. Fr. A. said that the Lord would ask for something different each Lent and as long as I followed His lead, it would not be a washout. With that validation, I emerged from our meeting with relief and a newfound sense of purpose.

Lately I find that I am challenged to go beyond the conservative boundaries of my beliefs and take the spirit of loving God with all my heart, with all my soul, with all my mind and with all my strength to new depths. Now that I know how to colour within the lines, I am prodded to define the picture with bold, fresh strokes which I then embellish with colour. It's a scary proposition for I would much rather keep playing in the shallow end of the blue-tiled, chlorinated pool than to venture into the pulsating warmth of the emerald, sunlit sea.

So Lent continued along its unconventional turn in its final week when Mum and I went to Taiwan to visit my youngest brother, NB, last week. The trip was his birthday gift to Mum and I lucked out for the invite included me too. There is merit in being the big sister who used to wash his milk bottles every day and change his soggy nappys. For me, the timing was less than ideal but no point going up there if he wasn’t free to take us around. So we arrived a day before the tomb-sweeping public holiday that gave him a four-day weekend.

We had a blast – meeting his friends, checking out his haunts, going on a road trip to Puli and Sun Moon Lake and spending the day in Taipei doing the tourist thing. The visit to the National Palace Museum to view its impressive collection of artefacts and the even more impressive swell of humanity that thronged the corridors was a highlight of the trip. NB had pulled out all the stops in planning a perfect vacation for us and it was… perfect. Even the uncooperative weather proved to be a refreshing change. Who needed hot and sunny for we get that all the time back home. We ate well, laughed much and enjoyed the time we spent together.

The joy of Easter percolated over as we celebrated new life into family bonds and felt the presence of Jesus in the affirmation of the ties that bind us.